“I don’t know what the afterlife is like, but I’d like to believe that my special place in this universe is a place where there is peace everlasting, my beloved dog, a sky to look at every night like it’s a blanket made of stars and a beach to share with some souls who have experienced deep trauma and fear like me. I’d love to believe that my special place in this universe has sunshine nowhere to be seen except in my brain because that’s where I truly needed the light the most in this life, and I feel like that’s not too much to ask for, really. This is not a suicide note but a love letter to those who truly appreciated my being here as a “Thank you” as an “I love you” and “You really made me happy” and “I wish you the best in everything.” I’m still trying because maybe someday something has to give like a miracle, a blessing or a kiss of hope to make me realize that “See, this is your special place,” and I just don’t know how long I can try. I just don’t know if my breath is whole enough to catch the summer is forever feeling when all can be possible again, even my life. But I am holding on to love always, and I just know that if you and me and every being in this planet that keeps on dancing around the sun keeps on loving our way through our hardships, sadness, and sorrow then maybe we stand a chance for the life of our dreams. Maybe we stand a chance for acceptance, strength, and beauty. Maybe we stand a chance to make it all special again.”
